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Tiger Woods Gatorade - Hard to Swallow
As new reports of alleged extra-marital affairs continue to surface, Gatorade announced Tuesday that it would discontinue its Tiger Woods sports drink.
“Gatorade Tiger Focus” was launched last spring and was the only product to contain theanine, a rare vitamin primarily containing endorphins released from the sweat glands of Cablinasian (a syllabic abbreviation coined from Caucasian, Black, (American) Indian, and Asian) nymphomaniacs. The product was said to reduce mental and physical stress due to continuously going balls deep.
Gatorade says the decision to drop Woods’ product was made “months ago” and has nothing to do with the recent public events involving the embattled golf star.
In an official statement released Tuesday, the company said: “We decided several months ago to discontinue Gatorade Tiger Focus along with some other products to make room for our planned series of innovative products in 2010, which will include “Gatorade O-Spot” a product endorsed by Oprah Winfrey targeted at helping post menopausal women achieve orgasm while maintaining hydration. O-Spot was originally set to be released alongside Tiger Focus, but due to side effects involving extreme weight shifts the product’s release date has been postponed.
Gatorade is the first of Woods’ endorsements to end since the scandal began, but other companies such as GEICO Auto Insurance are capitalizing on the athlete’s star power. VIAGRA is set to release a new campaign featuring the slogan “Go from Eldrick Tont to Tiger with just one pill.”
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