Taking Drugs For Science – Day 4

“Maybe we’ll never go insane. You always said we would. Sometimes I wish we could.”

-The Weakerthans

+00:05
This is my final day of this study. I’ve laughed, I’ve cried, I’ve taken 8 olive green colored mystery capsules. You will be missed drug study #1. It seems like only yesterday that I felt you on my tongue for the first time. Oh how fast 3 weeks seems to fly by. I will never forget the memories we’ve shared…peeing in cups for you, falling asleep twice that one day. Having more energy than I knew what to do with that other day. Flirting with your researchers. But like all good things in life, it must come to an end. But don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. I’ll find other things to keep me entertained. To help me keep my mind off of you…or at least try. I hope you do the same. You’ll find other people to research and you’ll have countless life experiences with them. Don’t let the memories of me slow you down. Examine each of your future research subjects just like they were your first. Don’t be afraid of losing them in the future, just love every moment you have with them like it was your last. Whatever your future brings you, I hope you’re happy. I will never forget you.

So based on process of elimination on my predictions of the last 3 sessions, today I think I got either Valium or placebo. My fingers are crossed for Valium, but I suspect the latter. I’m anxious for my $200 check to come in a couple of weeks because then I get to come discuss the results of my test with them and figure out which drugs I got for sure each day. Plus I’ll have $200.

+01:17
I’m feeling pretty good. Relaxed, thoughtful, happy, and optimistic. It’s very comparable to the first day of the study. If my predictions are correct, the Valium and the placebo have a very similar effect on me. What does this mean? Maybe that I’m a naturally relaxed, happy, optimistic, freethinking person. I have natural Valium in my brain. I like that idea.

+02:15
Just took the cognitive tests. I think this week may have been the best I’ve done. I’m pretty sure I got placebo this session, but I feel really good. This study is really relaxing. In between the tests I get to relax and do whatever I want, which is usually writing and listening to music. Sure, by not having a job I can technically do that often, but here while I’m doing it I don’t feel like I should be doing something else, like looking for a job or trying to meet people. It’s like this is what I’m supposed to be doing at this moment in time, so I can just relax and go with it. It’s an incredible feeling. Something so simple can bring so much peace and happiness. I’m working on figuring out how to bring this feeling to everything I do in life.